The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
