I can tuck mytits in my pants
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
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my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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