whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
