4 words: hood of his car
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
