I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
