can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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