His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
