whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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