i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
