I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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