so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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