either way he was missing a nipple.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
