Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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