I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
