i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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