If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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