We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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