I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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