Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
