Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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