you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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