I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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