i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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