I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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