so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize