it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
