I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Even my vagina gasped.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
