Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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