Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
