If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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