yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
