i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
