If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
