Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
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