yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
