speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
