i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
