I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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