I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
