sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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