Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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