hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
