Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
