I wish my penis had an off switch
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
