My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
