I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
