Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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