remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
