she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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