Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
