I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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