and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This is the high leading the old right now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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