Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
