this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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