Define "chronic" masturbator.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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