New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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