Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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