bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
