First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
