dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
