dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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