note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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