I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Randomize
