So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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