well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
dude. I can hear the air.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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