summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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