I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You ruined the universe
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
