I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
