Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
