So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
false alarm. still invincible.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
