I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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