I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
