So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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