Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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