I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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