so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
