I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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