his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
