how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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