This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
