with your own penis?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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