24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
