remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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