she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't turn off my feet"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
