I smell stomach acid.
we made out on top of his cat.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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