Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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